‘Nicolas Cage will be played by John Travolta in the new Nicolas Cage movie.’ reports Forbidden News.
Continue reading “Nicolas Cage will be played by John Travolta in the new Nicolas Cage movie.”
Next epic romantic saga in “White People Almost Kissing In The Rain”.
Continue reading “Coming Soon To Theatres: The Facebook”
Finally, a sports story that has nothing to do with Lebron James or Tom Brady! Last week, “Bang Bros” (the popular Adult Entertainment company that we all know and love) submitted a $10 million bid for the naming rights of Miami Heat’s arena. Continue reading “BangBros Submits $10 Million Bid to Change Name of Miami Heat’s Arena”
Why the f–k not. It’s free!
Continue reading “Get The Sims 4™ For FREE On PC/MAC (Yes, Legally..)”
The very successful young rapper has finally done what no other rapper has done before and got a tattoo of himself on his already tatted up face. Continue reading “Post Malone Gets Face Tattoo of Post Malone on His Face”
Much to everyone’s confusion and dismay, the trailer for ‘Sonic The Hedgehog’ was released today on YouTube and the general consensus is… “Why?” Continue reading “Whether You Like It Or Not, The New “Sonic The Hedgehog” Trailer Has Arrived”
What if everything you knew about one of the greatest professional wrestlers of the 70’s and 80’s was a huge lie? According to a new theory, Andre The Giant was actually very average in height – he just stood really close to the cameras. Continue reading “Andre The Giant Wasn’t Actually That Big, He Was Just Standing Closer To The Cameras”
The Game Of Throne’s second episode of the final season will air tonight and it’s apparent that the writers were fully aware that the episode coincides with Easter Sunday. Continue reading “Spoiler Warning: Game Of Thrones New Episode Will Be Easter-Themed”
Now that Duke’s season has come to an end after losing to Michigan State in the Elite Eight, Zion Williamson can begin backing up the Brinks truck. Continue reading “Zion Williamson To Receive First Eleventy-Billion Dollar Shoe Deal In NBA History”
Yes, you just read that. And yes, this is actually a real story. We generally write satire stories here at Woken News, but I truly couldn’t make this shit up. Continue reading “Lil Pump Will Be Giving The Commencement Speech At Harvard Graduation Ceremony”
Many people are talking about Maroon 5’s lackluster halftime performance last night. Mostly because the game bored everyone to tears and some shitty music is the only thing worthy of discussion. Continue reading “The NFL Re-Uploaded the Super Bowl Halftime Show to YouTube to Erase the Dislikes”
Every year, there are a few big storylines leading up to the biggest football game of the year. Continue reading “Super Bowl LIII: Tom Brady is Actually Sean McVay’s Father”
Millions will be tuning in tomorrow to watch Tom Brady try to win his 6th Super Bowl. But by far the most anticipated event this year will be Shaggy’s halftime performance. Continue reading “Shaggy Will Be Performing Spongebob’s ‘Sweet Victory’ At The Super Bowl Halftime Show”
Woken News started a petition to get Shaggy to be in the new Mortal Kombat 11 last weekend and the internet confirmed the shared love for Shaggy!
Continue reading “Shaggy Confirmed For Mortal Kombat 11 Thanks To Our Petition And New Leaks”
Have you ever wondered what NBA star James Harden has been hiding behind all that luscious facial hair? We may have found the answer. Continue reading “Small Civilization Found Living In James Harden’s Beard”
If you’re looking forward to next month’s Academy Awards show, you may be a little disappointed to hear that Oscars will be hosted by no one this year. Continue reading “The 2019 Oscars Will Be Hosted By… No One”
Is the floss dance more sinister than we once thought? New York City police officers believe so.
Continue reading “The Floss Dance Is Being Used As A Signal To Buy Drugs, Public Officials Say.”
Ronda Rousey has accepted the role of Sonya Blade in the new Mortal Kombat 11 set to come out April 23rd of this year.
Continue reading “Ronda Rousey Is Playing The Voice Actress Of Sonya Blade In New Mortal Kombat 11”
If you’ve been living under a rock the last few days, let me fill you in: a picture of an egg is now the most liked picture ever posted on Instagram. The egg took the spot of Kylie Jenner who previously held the #1 spot with a picture of her baby. Continue reading “Travis Scott Leaves Kylie Jenner For Egg”
