Their two fans are reported, ecstatic.
Continue reading “Breaking News: Coronavirus has not claimed Nickelback.”Breaking News: Coronavirus has not claimed Nickelback.
Nicolas Cage will be played by John Travolta in the new Nicolas Cage movie.
‘Nicolas Cage will be played by John Travolta in the new Nicolas Cage movie.’ reports Forbidden News.
Continue reading “Nicolas Cage will be played by John Travolta in the new Nicolas Cage movie.”Coming Soon To Theatres: The Facebook
Next epic romantic saga in “White People Almost Kissing In The Rain”.
Continue reading “Coming Soon To Theatres: The Facebook”BangBros Submits $10 Million Bid to Change Name of Miami Heat’s Arena
Finally, a sports story that has nothing to do with Lebron James or Tom Brady! Last week, “Bang Bros” (the popular Adult Entertainment company that we all know and love) submitted a $10 million bid for the naming rights of Miami Heat’s arena. Continue reading “BangBros Submits $10 Million Bid to Change Name of Miami Heat’s Arena”
Get The Sims 4™ For FREE On PC/MAC (Yes, Legally..)
Why the f–k not. It’s free!
Continue reading “Get The Sims 4™ For FREE On PC/MAC (Yes, Legally..)”
Post Malone Gets Face Tattoo of Post Malone on His Face
The very successful young rapper has finally done what no other rapper has done before and got a tattoo of himself on his already tatted up face. Continue reading “Post Malone Gets Face Tattoo of Post Malone on His Face”
Whether You Like It Or Not, The New “Sonic The Hedgehog” Trailer Has Arrived
Much to everyone’s confusion and dismay, the trailer for ‘Sonic The Hedgehog’ was released today on YouTube and the general consensus is… “Why?” Continue reading “Whether You Like It Or Not, The New “Sonic The Hedgehog” Trailer Has Arrived”
Andre The Giant Wasn’t Actually That Big, He Was Just Standing Closer To The Cameras
What if everything you knew about one of the greatest professional wrestlers of the 70’s and 80’s was a huge lie? According to a new theory, Andre The Giant was actually very average in height – he just stood really close to the cameras. Continue reading “Andre The Giant Wasn’t Actually That Big, He Was Just Standing Closer To The Cameras”
Spoiler Warning: Game Of Thrones New Episode Will Be Easter-Themed
The Game Of Throne’s second episode of the final season will air tonight and it’s apparent that the writers were fully aware that the episode coincides with Easter Sunday. Continue reading “Spoiler Warning: Game Of Thrones New Episode Will Be Easter-Themed”
Zion Williamson To Receive First Eleventy-Billion Dollar Shoe Deal In NBA History
Now that Duke’s season has come to an end after losing to Michigan State in the Elite Eight, Zion Williamson can begin backing up the Brinks truck. Continue reading “Zion Williamson To Receive First Eleventy-Billion Dollar Shoe Deal In NBA History”
Lil Pump Will Be Giving The Commencement Speech At Harvard Graduation Ceremony
Yes, you just read that. And yes, this is actually a real story. We generally write satire stories here at Woken News, but I truly couldn’t make this shit up. Continue reading “Lil Pump Will Be Giving The Commencement Speech At Harvard Graduation Ceremony”
The NFL Re-Uploaded the Super Bowl Halftime Show to YouTube to Erase the Dislikes
Many people are talking about Maroon 5’s lackluster halftime performance last night. Mostly because the game bored everyone to tears and some shitty music is the only thing worthy of discussion. Continue reading “The NFL Re-Uploaded the Super Bowl Halftime Show to YouTube to Erase the Dislikes”
Super Bowl LIII: Tom Brady is Actually Sean McVay’s Father
Every year, there are a few big storylines leading up to the biggest football game of the year. Continue reading “Super Bowl LIII: Tom Brady is Actually Sean McVay’s Father”
Shaggy Will Be Performing Spongebob’s ‘Sweet Victory’ At The Super Bowl Halftime Show
Millions will be tuning in tomorrow to watch Tom Brady try to win his 6th Super Bowl. But by far the most anticipated event this year will be Shaggy’s halftime performance. Continue reading “Shaggy Will Be Performing Spongebob’s ‘Sweet Victory’ At The Super Bowl Halftime Show”
Shaggy Confirmed For Mortal Kombat 11 Thanks To Our Petition And New Leaks
Woken News started a petition to get Shaggy to be in the new Mortal Kombat 11 last weekend and the internet confirmed the shared love for Shaggy!
Continue reading “Shaggy Confirmed For Mortal Kombat 11 Thanks To Our Petition And New Leaks”
Small Civilization Found Living In James Harden’s Beard
Have you ever wondered what NBA star James Harden has been hiding behind all that luscious facial hair? We may have found the answer. Continue reading “Small Civilization Found Living In James Harden’s Beard”
The 2019 Oscars Will Be Hosted By… No One
If you’re looking forward to next month’s Academy Awards show, you may be a little disappointed to hear that Oscars will be hosted by no one this year. Continue reading “The 2019 Oscars Will Be Hosted By… No One”
The Floss Dance Is Being Used As A Signal To Buy Drugs, Public Officials Say.
Is the floss dance more sinister than we once thought? New York City police officers believe so.
Continue reading “The Floss Dance Is Being Used As A Signal To Buy Drugs, Public Officials Say.”
Ronda Rousey Is Playing The Voice Actress Of Sonya Blade In New Mortal Kombat 11
Ronda Rousey has accepted the role of Sonya Blade in the new Mortal Kombat 11 set to come out April 23rd of this year.
Continue reading “Ronda Rousey Is Playing The Voice Actress Of Sonya Blade In New Mortal Kombat 11”