A biologist-turned-entrepreneur Jackson Fitzpatrick has turned the straw industry on its head with his new invention: straws made from turtles. Continue reading “Entrepreneur launches new product: straws made from turtles”
How does it feel to be wiping your ass with corruption?Continue reading “Coronavirus Was Invented By Toilet Paper Companies To Get You To Buy More.”
According to multiple sources, the nice but mostly unhelpful lady in your phone has gone AWOL.￼ Continue reading “Apple Can’t Find Siri And She’s Been Missing For Weeks, per sources”
Last week, Elon Musk unveiled Tesla’s newest creation, the “Cybertruck” and the memes quickly followed.
Thanks to Woken News, we all now know that breathing air is linked to staying alive. But new reports suggest that air might be the human equivalent to Superman’s kryptonite. Continue reading “Air is Poisonous to Humans; It Just Takes a Long Time to Kill Us, Report Says”
Whether it’s truly wanting to die or just pure indifference to staying alive, Millennials all over the world are doing the unthinkable by volunteering to be euthanized for scientific research. Continue reading “Millennials are volunteering to be euthanized for scientific research”
For years, many people have questioned the validity of the moon landings that took place in the late 60s. But that’s old news. A new theory suggests that not only were the moon landings fake, but the moon itself is a total FRAUD. Continue reading “New Theory Suggests That The Moon Isn’t Real”
“Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick.” – Kevin Malone from The Office Continue reading “Study shows that using big words doesn’t actually make you any smarter”
In the past several months, many YouTubers have been creating DIY-style videos showing that virtually anything can be fixed with ramen noodles. Finally, the government has caught on and they are planning to fix the blown nuclear reactor in Chernobyl with everyone’s favorite college meal. Continue reading “The Russian Government Is Planning To Fix The Chernobyl Reactor With Ramen Noodles, Per Sources”
Is that big yellow thing up in the sky just more fake news created by giant media outlets or the government? 33 out of 100 people think yes. Continue reading “One Third of the Population Doesn’t Believe in the Sun, Survey Shows”
A creationist by the name of Bobby Johnstone out of Florida claims the only proof we need that God created Earth and all the animals is the fact that T-Rex arms are so short which inhibit the ability to masturbate. Continue reading “Creationist Claims That God Made T-Rex Arms Short So They Couldn’t Masturbate”
A new study out of France has cleared up a mystery that we’ve all thought about at least once or twice in our lives: what do you call a bug with wings? The answer? You guessed it – a flying bug. Continue reading “Bugs Flying Around With Wings Are Flying Bugs, Study Shows”
Something smells fishy.. it’s pollution.
Way back in the year 2015, Alex Jones went on a rant which included a theory that the government has been putting chemicals in the water that “turn the friggin’ frogs gay”. Continue reading “A Private Company Is Funding A New Chemical To Turn The Gay Frogs Back To Straight”
New groundbreaking evidence suggests that ducks have been fooling us all these years. Continue reading “Ducks Don’t Actually Float – Their Legs Are So Long That They Can Walk On The River Bed”
Everyone has been wondering what new features will be added to the next Tesla. We now have the answer: the new Tesla will not move out of the way of oncoming deer. Continue reading “The New Tesla Will Not Move Out Of The Way Of Oncoming Deer”
Thank you Harvard, very cool!
I remember that first math class where they started introducing letters into the equations. It was a real mind fuck. But it turns out it was all a sham. An expert claims the sole purpose of algebra is to re-introduce the alphabet to dumb teenagers that forgot it. Continue reading “Expert Says Algebra is Made Up and its Only Purpose is to Re-Introduce the Alphabet to Dumb Teenagers”
Yeah Science, Bitch! 👊🚽🔬