Just a quick heads up, vegans. You are being replaced by owners of Air Fryers. Continue reading “Woman wins award for not telling literally every person she knows that she owns an Air Fryer”
‘Laundering your money’ is now recommended due to COVID-19
How dirty is money? Very dirty. Each dollar has on average 6.9 billion germs on it according to the Science Institute of Science. Virus and Disease experts are now claiming that laundering your money may help in stopping the spread of COVID-19. Continue reading “‘Laundering your money’ is now recommended due to COVID-19”
The Zodiac Killer’s ‘340 Cipher’ code was actually just a ‘your mom’ joke
Well, it finally happened. The Zodiac Killer sent a puzzle-like code to a newspaper back in 1969 (nice) and some nerds finally cracked the code. Here’s what the absolute nonsense puzzle looked like: Continue reading “The Zodiac Killer’s ‘340 Cipher’ code was actually just a ‘your mom’ joke”
Governors are considering requiring special suits to be worn to combat COVID-19
For the last several months, governors and other states officials have been trying to find the best ways to flatten the curve of COVID-19 cases. Finally, they believe they found the solution: Continue reading “Governors are considering requiring special suits to be worn to combat COVID-19”
Entrepreneur launches new product: straws made from turtles
A biologist-turned-entrepreneur Jackson Fitzpatrick has turned the straw industry on its head with his new invention: straws made from turtles. Continue reading “Entrepreneur launches new product: straws made from turtles”
Cracker Barrel considering changing name to “Caucasian Barrel” to be more politically correct
It’s 2020 and being politically correct is more important for businesses than it ever has been. That’s why popular US food chain “Cracker Barrel” is considering changing it’s name to a more appropriate “Caucasian Barrel”. Continue reading “Cracker Barrel considering changing name to “Caucasian Barrel” to be more politically correct”
Elon Musk’s newborn son ‘X Æ A-12’ is actually pronounced ‘Kyle’, per sources
The Internet has been trying to dissect Elon Musk’s newborn son’s name all week. Well, the answer may have finally arrived: it’s Kyle. His son’s name is Kyle. Continue reading “Elon Musk’s newborn son ‘X Æ A-12’ is actually pronounced ‘Kyle’, per sources”
Karens Everywhere Are Mourning The Fact That Their ‘Gather’ Kitchen Signs No Longer Apply
All throughout the country, middle-aged women named Karen are sliding into deep depression over the fact that their cursive “Gather” signs no longer make sense due to the Coronavirus. Continue reading “Karens Everywhere Are Mourning The Fact That Their ‘Gather’ Kitchen Signs No Longer Apply”
Breaking News: Coronavirus has not claimed Nickelback.
Their two fans are reported, ecstatic.
Continue reading “Breaking News: Coronavirus has not claimed Nickelback.”Chick-fil-a Employee Who Worked 69 Hours In a Week Worked an Extra Hour for Free to Please the Lord
Just another wholesome story about a Chick-fil-a employee going above and beyond to secure a top spot in heaven. Continue reading “Chick-fil-a Employee Who Worked 69 Hours In a Week Worked an Extra Hour for Free to Please the Lord”
The Ice Age Baby Needs to be Stopped
A few months ago, Baby Yoda took the meme world by storm. But now, there’s a new baby in town. And everyone hates him. I present: The Ice Age Baby. Continue reading “The Ice Age Baby Needs to be Stopped”
Shaggy Uses 0.69% of His Power to Re-Emerge One Last Time Before End of Decade. Nice.
While pretty much everyone on the Internet (including us) has been debating the meme of the decade for the last month, one notable legend has been forgotten: Shaggy. And he’s reportedly back with a vengeance to claim his rightful throne as the greatest meme of the decade. Continue reading “Shaggy Uses 0.69% of His Power to Re-Emerge One Last Time Before End of Decade. Nice.”
Florida Man Shockingly Resolves Conflict At Local Bar
A Florida man shocked the world as he successfully de-escalated a bar fight this weekend. I know – unbelievable. Continue reading “Florida Man Shockingly Resolves Conflict At Local Bar”
Woman Gives Birth to Twin Tacos
Earlier this year, we wrote about a woman giving birth to a fucking pizza. But a woman in Albuquerque just took it up a notch by giving birth to identical twin tacos. Yes, you read that right – tacos. Continue reading “Woman Gives Birth to Twin Tacos”
Baby Yoda is Actually Played by Kevin Hart, per sources
In an unbelievable turn of events, a discovery was made this morning that Baby Yoda is actually played by Kevin Hart – actor, comedian, and son of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Continue reading “Baby Yoda is Actually Played by Kevin Hart, per sources”
Heartwarming: The Rock Gives Birth To A Healthy Baby Yoda
As if The Rock hasn’t already given us enough with his on-screen performances in movies like Baywatch, The Tooth Fairy, and The Game Plan. Now he’s given us all an early Christmas present: a happy and healthy Baby Yoda! Continue reading “Heartwarming: The Rock Gives Birth To A Healthy Baby Yoda”
Thanksgiving: Millions Of Americans Giving Thanks For Annual Retail Purge.
🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 America: Fu•k Yeah! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
Continue reading “Thanksgiving: Millions Of Americans Giving Thanks For Annual Retail Purge.”Breaking: Tesla Announces New CyberBus
Last week, Elon Musk unveiled Tesla’s newest creation, the “Cybertruck” and the memes quickly followed.
Woman Hospitalized by ‘OK Boomer’ Comments, Calls it the N-Word of Ageism
An elderly woman was rushed to the hospital last week for “panic attacks” after her super-hip, Millennial grandson repeatedly responded with “OK Boomer” to everything she said.
Continue reading “Woman Hospitalized by ‘OK Boomer’ Comments, Calls it the N-Word of Ageism”
Coming Soon To Theatres: The Facebook
Next epic romantic saga in “White People Almost Kissing In The Rain”.
Continue reading “Coming Soon To Theatres: The Facebook”