The statistics have come out: one of the most dangerous things you can do is talk to a white woman before she’s had her morning cup o’ joe. It’s even more dangerous than driving without a seatbelt or swimming with sharks. Continue reading “Talking to White Women Before They’ve Had Their Morning Coffee Was the Leading Cause of Homicide Last Year”
Do you ever feel like Siri just isn’t enough? Well throw your worries away because Apple just announced a new Siri – you will now be able to talk to your best buddy from the FBI whenever you want! Continue reading “New iPhone Update Will Have a Siri-like FBI Feature So You Can Talk to the FBI Anytime”
Do you think vaccines are poison and also like the idea of being one of the first people to explore planet Mars? Well boy do I have an opportunity for you! Continue reading “NASA is Offering a Free One-Way Flight to Mars for All Anti-Vaxxers”
Any press is good press, right? At least that’s what Apple thought when they started the AirPods™ meme. Continue reading “The AirPods™ Meme Was An Inside Job”
Millions will be tuning in tomorrow to watch Tom Brady try to win his 6th Super Bowl. But by far the most anticipated event this year will be Shaggy’s halftime performance. Continue reading “Shaggy Will Be Performing Spongebob’s ‘Sweet Victory’ At The Super Bowl Halftime Show”
Woken News started a petition to get Shaggy to be in the new Mortal Kombat 11 last weekend and the internet confirmed the shared love for Shaggy!
Continue reading “Shaggy Confirmed For Mortal Kombat 11 Thanks To Our Petition And New Leaks”
Fun fact for your Monday: did you know that in Europe, “Bigfoot” is referred to as “Bigmeter”? You learn something new every day! Continue reading “In Europe, Bigfoot is called Bigmeter”
Sorry for the spoiler fam but Shaggy is confirmed to be the hero (or villain) to remove Thanos from existence and turn this film upside down.
Sign this petition to make Shaggy a DLC in the new Mortal Kombat 11.
Continue reading “Shaggy Confirmed For Avengers: Endgame In Latest Leak”
What’s more important? Keeping your grandparent or your cell phone alive? Teenager Tina Smith was quick to answer this question when she unplugged her grandpa’s life support so she could charge her iPhone™ while visiting him in the hospital last weekend. Continue reading “Teenager Unplugs Her Grandpa’s Life Support to Charge iPhone™”
As many of us have seen, Sasuke is being choked out by everyone on the internet.
Continue reading “Sasuke Uchiha In Critical But Stable Condition After Repeatedly Being Choked Out By Fucking Everyone”
Once every few days you see a shared story on the internet that can remind you of a warm time in your life or even bring together a family, even for a brief moment, to share in a story that just makes your heart melt. This could be one of those stories.
Continue reading “Black Father Returns Home Within The Hour After Leaving Family For The ‘Grocery Store’.”
Is the floss dance more sinister than we once thought? New York City police officers believe so. Continue reading “The Floss Dance is Being Used as a Signal to Buy Drugs, Public Officials Say”
Kylie Jenner: entrepreneur, fashion mogul, egg murderer? In a shocking turn of events, Kylie Jenner has reportedly murdered the world record holding egg. Continue reading “Kylie Murdered Egg and Fed It To Her Baby”
If you’ve been living under a rock the last few days, let me fill you in: a picture of an egg is now the most liked picture ever posted on Instagram. The egg took the spot of Kylie Jenner who previously held the #1 spot with a picture of her baby. Continue reading “Travis Scott Leaves Kylie Jenner For Egg”
As more and more stories of dedicated gamers shidding their pants come to light, a company has finally come up with a solution to the problem: Gaming Diapers. Continue reading “Gaming Diapers Are Hitting The Shelves Next Week”
An inanimate object has done the unthinkable by taking down Kylie Jenner with the most liked picture on Instagram. Continue reading “A Picture of an Egg Just Broke the World Record for Most Likes on Instagram”
The United States Government has reached day 21 of the shutdown and already your assigned F.B.I. agent misses you and wants to see you.
Continue reading “Your Laptop F.B.I. Guy Has Missed You Since The Government Shutdown”
Doggo’s love their bones! But could we be confusing the lickos and tongue blips we know and love as their kisses for our bones potential at a heckin’ good taste?
Continue reading “Dogs Lick Us Because We Have Bones Inside And They Want Them, Scientists Say”
The bubble closed in on 28-year-old gamer Jimmy Gelky for the final time. It’s a sad story, but an important warning for avid fans of Fortnite. Continue reading “Man Dies And Immediately Shidded Himself After 3-Day Fortnite Marathon”
Do you ever wonder what happened to the people featured in memes from long ago? Well, the “success kid” has a story like no other. Continue reading “You’ll Never Guess Where the “Success Kid” Is Now”
