Hurricane season is in full effect and for many people, it’s a very scary time. Fortunately, Woken News is here to bring you the worst advice we can think of to keep your mind at ease in the coming weeks. Continue reading “5 Helpful Tips To Die Faster During Hurricane Season”
A very important question has been raised on the Internet in the last few days: Are mashed potatoes just irish guacamole? Let’s break it down. Continue reading “Food For Thought: Are Mashed Potatoes Just Irish Guacamole?”
Exposed: the meat’s not vegan; the cows are! Continue reading “What If Impossible Burgers Are Just Made With Vegan Cows And Not Vegan Meat?”
Depression affects millions of people across the planet. But according to a new study, 100% of slugs actually suffer from the sads as well. Continue reading “Slugs Are Just Caterpillars With Depression, Study Shows”
Are you looking to hop on the next big food trend? First, it was avocado toast. Then, it was açaí bowls. Now? People all over the world are dabbling in the art of medium-rare chicken. Continue reading “Medium Rare Chicken Is The New Trend In Healthy Eating, Study Shows”
Forget paying for air travel: A new theory argues that you can simply get off your ass and walk to pretty much any country you want in just a few hours. Continue reading “Countries Are Closer Than We Think And You Can Walk To a Different Country In a Few Hours, Theory Suggests”
For years, people have been saying “it’s like comparing apples to oranges” to prove the point that it’s impossible to compare two things that are completely unrelated. However, one study has done the impossible and found that apples truly are better than oranges. Continue reading “Study Says Apples Are Actually Better Than Oranges”
We’ve all experienced the embarrassment resulting from an awkward interaction with a food service worker. However, Jimmy McMicken became fatally embarrassed last week after a big oopsie when he replied with “You Too” to a waiter that kindly told him to “Enjoy His Food”. Continue reading “Man Dies From Embarrassment After Replying “You Too” To Waiter Whomst Told Him To “Enjoy His Food””
Just think about it: is it possible that our hands have a mind of their own in the act of being washed? And are you just a creepy bystander in the background watching the whole thing happen? Continue reading “You Don’t Really Wash Your Hands – They Wash Each Other While You Stand There Looking At Them Like A Creep”
Something smells fishy.. it’s pollution.
It’s not Extenze. It’s not Viagra. It’s a giant, ridiculous-looking truck that truly makes a difference in the size of your man’s love rod. Continue reading “New study shows drivers of lifted trucks have larger-than-average-sized genitalia”
A recent study out of Kansas City shows that even parents are having more sex than virgins. I know – very hard to believe. Continue reading “New Study Shows That Virgins Have Less Sex Than Parents”
Do you ever look at Instagram and think “these people have the most perfect lives and I’m a total piece of shit”? Well, doctors are now using that feeling as a new drug for millennials that say they are feeling “too happy”. Continue reading “Doctors Are Prescribing Instagram to Millennials That Say They’re Feeling too Happy”
Yeah Science, Bitch! 👊🚽🔬
Continue reading “Pee Is Now Most Powerful Liquid For Removing Shit Stains From Toilet Bowls.”
A biologist in Toronto has made a huge medical breakthrough this week by discovering that there is a strong correlation between breathing air and staying alive. Continue reading “New Study Shows That Breathing Air Is Linked To Staying Alive”
Do you think vaccines are poison and also like the idea of being one of the first people to explore planet Mars? Well boy do I have an opportunity for you!
Continue reading “NASA Is Offering A Free One-Way Flight To Mars For All Anti-Vaxxers”
The popular subreddit r/RoastMe is home to some of the most savage comments the Internet has ever seen (besides 4chan, of course). Continue reading “Teenager With Severe Depression Asks Reddit To Roast Him – The Response Was Wholesome AF”
How many vegans does it take to spread the news? Don’t worry, they will fucking tell you..
Continue reading “DIET: Vegans Can Now Feed Off Their Attention.”
What’s more important? Keeping your grandparent or your cell phone alive? Teenager Tina Smith was quick to answer this question when she unplugged her grandpa’s life support so she could charge her iPhone™ while visiting him in the hospital last weekend. Continue reading “Teenager Unplugs Her Grandpa’s Life Support to Charge iPhone™”
