How does it feel to be wiping your ass with corruption?
Continue reading “Coronavirus Was Invented By Toilet Paper Companies To Get You To Buy More.”Coronavirus Was Invented By Toilet Paper Companies To Get You To Buy More.
Breaking News: Coronavirus has not claimed Nickelback.
Their two fans are reported, ecstatic.
Continue reading “Breaking News: Coronavirus has not claimed Nickelback.”Controversial: ‘White Christmas’ To Be Renamed ‘Non-Colored Holiday’.
🎼 I’m dreaming of a non.. colored holiday.. 🎼
Continue reading “Controversial: ‘White Christmas’ To Be Renamed ‘Non-Colored Holiday’.”Santa Gets High, Passes Out After Eating Edible Christmas Cookies at Colorado Home
The Yule log isn’t the only thing that’ll be blazin’ this year. Continue reading “Santa Gets High, Passes Out After Eating Edible Christmas Cookies at Colorado Home”
Man Presses X After Dying, Comes Back to Life
A 23-year-old man from California claims he died this weekend after a 36-hour binge session of Disney Channel Original Movies. However, he was given a second chance in the form of the X button on a PS4 controller. Continue reading “Man Presses X After Dying, Comes Back to Life”
Thanksgiving: Millions Of Americans Giving Thanks For Annual Retail Purge.
🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 America: Fu•k Yeah! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
Continue reading “Thanksgiving: Millions Of Americans Giving Thanks For Annual Retail Purge.”Happy Chicken Farm Shut Down After Cocaine-Fueled Poultry Orgy.
“Our chickens are happier than you’ll ever be.” – said the motto of this has-been business.
Continue reading “Happy Chicken Farm Shut Down After Cocaine-Fueled Poultry Orgy.”Hipsters Forced To Find A Personality After Being Declared A Trend.
“What do you mean by my ‘fedora isn’t considered a trait’?” – Local Hipster, 21
Continue reading “Hipsters Forced To Find A Personality After Being Declared A Trend.”Slutty Costumes Banned For Appropriating Your Mom
Her culture is not your costume.
Continue reading “Slutty Costumes Banned For Appropriating Your Mom”Coming Soon To Theatres: The Facebook
Next epic romantic saga in “White People Almost Kissing In The Rain”.
Continue reading “Coming Soon To Theatres: The Facebook”Engineers Have Finally Developed A Dildo Big Enough To Satisfy Your Mom.
They’ve finally done it!
Continue reading “Engineers Have Finally Developed A Dildo Big Enough To Satisfy Your Mom.”Making A Social Media Account For Your Pets Is Now A Punishable Offense
A new law may have owners of pets such as “Doug The Pug” and “Marnie The Dog” on edge. If law enforcement deems that you’re taking advantage of your pet by acquiring large brand deals and social clout, you may be at risk. Continue reading “Making A Social Media Account For Your Pets Is Now A Punishable Offense”
Several People Injured At Silent Disco Because They Couldn’t Hear The Fire Alarm
Last week, tragedy struck the small town of Roanoke, Oregon. LIT, a popular new club in the area, was hosting the town’s first silent disco. It was 10:30 on a Friday night when a small electrical fire turned into a serious wildfire that ravaged the club. The flames raged on through the night with the music in everyone’s headphones. Continue reading “Several People Injured At Silent Disco Because They Couldn’t Hear The Fire Alarm”
There’s a Petition to Legally Change the Crocodile Name to ‘Swamp Dogs’
Like the true heroes we are, we’ve created a petition to officially change the name of crocodiles to “swamp dogs”. Because let’s face it – crocodile is a weak ass name compared to swamp dog. Continue reading “There’s a Petition to Legally Change the Crocodile Name to ‘Swamp Dogs’”
One Third of the Population Doesn’t Believe in the Sun, Survey Shows
Is that big yellow thing up in the sky just more fake news created by giant media outlets or the government? 33 out of 100 people think yes. Continue reading “One Third of the Population Doesn’t Believe in the Sun, Survey Shows”
Warner Bros Trolled The Entire Internet With Pokémon Detective Pikachu “Full Release” on YouTube
Did you fall for it? Because I definitely did. Continue reading “Warner Bros Trolled The Entire Internet With Pokémon Detective Pikachu “Full Release” on YouTube”
Post Malone Gets Face Tattoo of Post Malone on His Face
The very successful young rapper has finally done what no other rapper has done before and got a tattoo of himself on his already tatted up face. Continue reading “Post Malone Gets Face Tattoo of Post Malone on His Face”
Whether You Like It Or Not, The New “Sonic The Hedgehog” Trailer Has Arrived
Much to everyone’s confusion and dismay, the trailer for ‘Sonic The Hedgehog’ was released today on YouTube and the general consensus is… “Why?” Continue reading “Whether You Like It Or Not, The New “Sonic The Hedgehog” Trailer Has Arrived”
Spoiler Warning: Game Of Thrones New Episode Will Be Easter-Themed
The Game Of Throne’s second episode of the final season will air tonight and it’s apparent that the writers were fully aware that the episode coincides with Easter Sunday. Continue reading “Spoiler Warning: Game Of Thrones New Episode Will Be Easter-Themed”
All Plants Are Fake Store-Bought Plants From IKEA, Study Suggests
Have you ever wondered why the plants outside look almost as good as fake plants that you buy at the store? A new study claims to have found the answer: the government has been planting fake IKEA plants outside while everyone is sleeping. Continue reading “All Plants Are Fake Store-Bought Plants From IKEA, Study Suggests”