Imagine, you’re home and in your pajamas. You just spent the entire day binge watching The Office, like you always do, making zero effort to look like a productive member of society and then needing like just one or two things from the grocery store. Its 6pm and you decide to take a chance and go. Continue reading “Looking like garbage increases your chance of seeing people you know at the store by 90%, study shows” →

Imagine you’re next in line for lunch after having been called gay for wearing your favorite fedora.

The long awaited day that millions of us lied about going to is finally here and it’s only about to get bigger.

As many of us probably expected, Karen has already made her appearance at the heavily guarded Airforce base with a strongly worded complaint over her illegally obtained Alien.

Out of all the possible people going this September, the one thing that seems to be on everyone’s mind is, “what that coochie feel like tho?”

Just ahead of September 20th there appears to be leaked images from Area 51 causing controversy.

Handfuls of toxic instagram thots are trying to get their hands and asses on some of the most radioactive backgrounds on the planet.

For decades we have wrapped our heads in tin foil to protect our small minds from the satellite signals sent to read and control our thoughts. But, according to new information, it could all just be part of a larger plot to make mind control easier.

With climate change causing rapid, irreversible damage to the environment, all living things are now at risk of extinction.

In a shocking new study published in the Journal of Actual Real Science this week, it seems the doorbell industry is facing total collapse at the hands of the worst generation in history.

A testimony from one teen may help behavioral scientists and scholars understand the true power of Marijuana and its ever long list of side effects including liking dudes.

The gossip girls over in the girl’s locker room at a local middle school seem to think the boy’s are hosting fight clubs in their locker room.

Florida has a new sheriff in town and he’s pissed off at his mom. Hide your drywall, hide your Monsters because Kyle is causing property damage all across Florida state.

A new controversial study sheds light on the show F.R.I.E.N.D.S and how it’s existence served nothing positive for pop culture.

A man was reportedly beaten up for leaking Avengers: Endgame spoilers outside the cinema in Hong Kong.

Well well well, it appears Mr. Disappears ain’t disappearing from this arrest.

For the first time ever on Wednesday we saw a black hole but now we are starting to see some real thottery from 55 million light years away.

The Event Horizon Telescope stuns the world with the recently discovered image of a black hole. A first of kind.

A Florida man is facing some serious legal backlash after singing harassing songs and dancing for patients at a local hospital dressed as an Oompa Loompa.

Sometimes I think Elon does things like this just to give us meme material. He also understands that the younger generation he appeals to are going to be buying his cars.

Saturday Elon released a track in honor of the late and great Harambe. A staple amongst all of us on Woken.

“RIP Harambe, sipping on some Bombay, we on our way to heaven, Amen, Amen,” Musk appears to rap.

“RIP Harambe/ smoking on some strong hay/ in the gorilla zoo and we thinking about you,” he continues.

What can’t this guy do?!

The song had been viewed over 300,000 times as of Sunday afternoon.

Continue reading “Elon Musks makes a rap that absolutely slaps about Harambe” →