Imagine, you’re home and in your pajamas. You just spent the entire day binge watching The Office, like you always do, making zero effort to look like a productive member of society and then needing like just one or two things from the grocery store. Its 6pm and you decide to take a chance and go. Continue reading “Looking like garbage increases your chance of seeing people you know at the store by 90%, study shows”
Imagine you’re next in line for lunch after having been called gay for wearing your favorite fedora.Continue reading “69% of high schoolers say they feel soothed when lunch ladies call them ‘suga’ or ‘baby’. Nice.”
The long awaited day that millions of us lied about going to is finally here and it’s only about to get bigger.Continue reading “Florida teen Kyle starts massive mosh pit with the first thousand people outside Area 51”
As many of us probably expected, Karen has already made her appearance at the heavily guarded Airforce base with a strongly worded complaint over her illegally obtained Alien.Continue reading “Florida mom Karen, dissatisfied with Alien, requests to speak with Area 51 manager”
Out of all the possible people going this September, the one thing that seems to be on everyone’s mind is, “what that coochie feel like tho?”Continue reading “What’s the first thing you do with the alien you stole from Area 51 and why is it clappin them cheeks?”
Just ahead of September 20th there appears to be leaked images from Area 51 causing controversy.Continue reading “Area 51 photos leaked; BLACK MERMAIDS!”
Handfuls of toxic instagram thots are trying to get their hands and asses on some of the most radioactive backgrounds on the planet.Continue reading “Instagram influencers are flocking to Chernobyl and getting ass cancer”
For decades we have wrapped our heads in tin foil to protect our small minds from the satellite signals sent to read and control our thoughts. But, according to new information, it could all just be part of a larger plot to make mind control easier.Continue reading “Tinfoil hats actually make brain control easier, report suggest”
With climate change causing rapid, irreversible damage to the environment, all living things are now at risk of extinction.Continue reading “Newest Eco Car Powered By The Tears Of Environmentalists”
In a shocking new study published in the Journal of Actual Real Science this week, it seems the doorbell industry is facing total collapse at the hands of the worst generation in history.Continue reading “Millenials are killing the Doorbell Industry by texting ‘here’”
A testimony from one teen may help behavioral scientists and scholars understand the true power of Marijuana and its ever long list of side effects including liking dudes.Continue reading “Smoking Pot Could Be Linked to Homosexuality, New Evidence Suggests”
The gossip girls over in the girl’s locker room at a local middle school seem to think the boy’s are hosting fight clubs in their locker room.Continue reading “Boy’s locker rooms are hosting Fight Clubs, Girl’s locker room suggests”
Florida has a new sheriff in town and he’s pissed off at his mom. Hide your drywall, hide your Monsters because Kyle is causing property damage all across Florida state.Continue reading “Florida teen, Kyle, arrested for stealing Monster Energy drinks and punching holes in drywall at a Home Depot”
A new controversial study sheds light on the show F.R.I.E.N.D.S and how it’s existence served nothing positive for pop culture.Continue reading “Liking the sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S. doesn’t make you an interesting person – Study shows”
A man was reportedly beaten up for leaking Avengers: Endgame spoilers outside the cinema in Hong Kong.Continue reading “Man is beaten up for leaking Avengers: Endgame spoilers outside Hong Kong cinema.”
Well well well, it appears Mr. Disappears ain’t disappearing from this arrest.Continue reading “[Spoiler] Thanos gets fucking arrested at the end of Avengers: Endgame”
For the first time ever on Wednesday we saw a black hole but now we are starting to see some real thottery from 55 million light years away.Continue reading “Black hole uses snap chat filter for the first time”
The Event Horizon Telescope stuns the world with the recently discovered image of a black hole. A first of kind.Continue reading “First ever Black Hole image has been released”
A Florida man is facing some serious legal backlash after singing harassing songs and dancing for patients at a local hospital dressed as an Oompa Loompa.Continue reading “Florida man dressed as an Oompa Loompa is under arrest for harassing terminally ill patients with songs”
Sometimes I think Elon does things like this just to give us meme material. He also understands that the younger generation he appeals to are going to be buying his cars.
Saturday Elon released a track in honor of the late and great Harambe. A staple amongst all of us on Woken.
“RIP Harambe, sipping on some Bombay, we on our way to heaven, Amen, Amen,” Musk appears to rap.
“RIP Harambe/ smoking on some strong hay/ in the gorilla zoo and we thinking about you,” he continues.
What can’t this guy do?!
The song had been viewed over 300,000 times as of Sunday afternoon.