How many cans of Twisted Tea does it take to end racism? Just one.
Continue reading “Star Wars is releasing a digitally remastered version of The Phantom Menace with Twisted Tea light sabers”Antifa lights up several blocks of small business to send a mostly peaceful message
In response to tuesday’s election day results, or lack there of, many leftist extremists flew in from their own cities to help quell the division and hatred in downtown Washington, D.C.
Continue reading “Antifa lights up several blocks of small business to send a mostly peaceful message”Keanu Reeves has tested positive for being the most breathtaking person alive
It’s comes as no surprise that Keanu would be testing positive for being just an absolute perfect human being.
Continue reading “Keanu Reeves has tested positive for being the most breathtaking person alive”France Surrenders to Coronavirus
As is tradition, France formally announces they are surrendering to the Coronavirus.
Continue reading “France Surrenders to Coronavirus”Trojan releases pre-owned value pack condoms to save you money for the sex
Trojan announced last weekend that they have released a line of pre-owned condoms in packs of three to save customers money.
Continue reading “Trojan releases pre-owned value pack condoms to save you money for the sex”Local Surfer Expected To Catch That Coronavirus This Weekend
Be expecting a last minute phone call from your local legends at work Monday morning because they plan to go hard af this weekend catching that Chinese Cough.
Continue reading “Local Surfer Expected To Catch That Coronavirus This Weekend”Wholesome: Would-be Robber Leaves With A Full Stomach Instead Of Grandma’s Jewelry Box
An elderly woman in Nepals, FL. stopped an attempted robbery when she offered the man her famous Rosemary Lamb Shanks.
Continue reading “Wholesome: Would-be Robber Leaves With A Full Stomach Instead Of Grandma’s Jewelry Box”Looking like garbage increases your chance of seeing people you know at the store by 90%, study shows
Imagine, you’re home and in your pajamas. You just spent the entire day binge watching The Office, like you always do, making zero effort to look like a productive member of society and then needing like just one or two things from the grocery store. Its 6pm and you decide to take a chance and go. Continue reading “Looking like garbage increases your chance of seeing people you know at the store by 90%, study shows”
69% of high schoolers say they feel soothed when lunch ladies call them ‘suga’ or ‘baby’. Nice.
Imagine you’re next in line for lunch after having been called gay for wearing your favorite fedora.
Continue reading “69% of high schoolers say they feel soothed when lunch ladies call them ‘suga’ or ‘baby’. Nice.”Florida teen Kyle starts massive mosh pit with the first thousand people outside Area 51
The long awaited day that millions of us lied about going to is finally here and it’s only about to get bigger.
Continue reading “Florida teen Kyle starts massive mosh pit with the first thousand people outside Area 51”Florida mom Karen, dissatisfied with Alien, requests to speak with Area 51 manager
As many of us probably expected, Karen has already made her appearance at the heavily guarded Airforce base with a strongly worded complaint over her illegally obtained Alien.
Continue reading “Florida mom Karen, dissatisfied with Alien, requests to speak with Area 51 manager”What’s the first thing you do with the alien you stole from Area 51 and why is it clappin them cheeks?
Out of all the possible people going this September, the one thing that seems to be on everyone’s mind is, “what that coochie feel like tho?”
Continue reading “What’s the first thing you do with the alien you stole from Area 51 and why is it clappin them cheeks?”Area 51 photos leaked; BLACK MERMAIDS!
Just ahead of September 20th there appears to be leaked images from Area 51 causing controversy.
Continue reading “Area 51 photos leaked; BLACK MERMAIDS!”Instagram influencers are flocking to Chernobyl and getting ass cancer
Handfuls of toxic instagram thots are trying to get their hands and asses on some of the most radioactive backgrounds on the planet.
Continue reading “Instagram influencers are flocking to Chernobyl and getting ass cancer”Tinfoil hats actually make brain control easier, report suggest
For decades we have wrapped our heads in tin foil to protect our small minds from the satellite signals sent to read and control our thoughts. But, according to new information, it could all just be part of a larger plot to make mind control easier.
Continue reading “Tinfoil hats actually make brain control easier, report suggest”Newest Eco Car Powered By The Tears Of Environmentalists
With climate change causing rapid, irreversible damage to the environment, all living things are now at risk of extinction.
Continue reading “Newest Eco Car Powered By The Tears Of Environmentalists”Millenials are killing the Doorbell Industry by texting ‘here’
In a shocking new study published in the Journal of Actual Real Science this week, it seems the doorbell industry is facing total collapse at the hands of the worst generation in history.
Continue reading “Millenials are killing the Doorbell Industry by texting ‘here’”Smoking Pot Could Be Linked to Homosexuality, New Evidence Suggests
A testimony from one teen may help behavioral scientists and scholars understand the true power of Marijuana and its ever long list of side effects including liking dudes.
Continue reading “Smoking Pot Could Be Linked to Homosexuality, New Evidence Suggests”Boy’s locker rooms are hosting Fight Clubs, Girl’s locker room suggests
The gossip girls over in the girl’s locker room at a local middle school seem to think the boy’s are hosting fight clubs in their locker room.
Continue reading “Boy’s locker rooms are hosting Fight Clubs, Girl’s locker room suggests”Florida teen, Kyle, arrested for stealing Monster Energy drinks and punching holes in drywall at a Home Depot
Florida has a new sheriff in town and he’s pissed off at his mom. Hide your drywall, hide your Monsters because Kyle is causing property damage all across Florida state.
Continue reading “Florida teen, Kyle, arrested for stealing Monster Energy drinks and punching holes in drywall at a Home Depot”