‘Laundering your money’ is now recommended due to COVID-19

How dirty is money? Very dirty. Each dollar has on average 6.9 billion germs on it according to the Science Institute of Science. Virus and Disease experts are now claiming that laundering your money may help in stopping the spread of COVID-19.Money laundering is defined as the illegal process of concealing the origins of money obtained illegally by passing it through a complex sequence of banking transfers or commercial transactions.

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Naturally, this caused quite a bit of confusion. Is the CDC asking for people to partake in illegal crimes? We talked to a disease expert for clarification:

“The act of money laundering is still a federal offense and you will wind up in prison if you get caught doing it. We are simply asking people to scrub their money with soap and water. Or just simply take your bags of money to a laundromat and put your money in the washer. No one will be suspicious or ask any questions. Trust me. These are unprecedented times.” – Anonymous Disease Expert

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This is a joke. I repeat, this is a joke. Don’t actually wash your money. And don’t take part in money laundering.

*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.


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