Congress has announced that the next round of stimulus will be a pizza party

Last April, most Americans received a whopping $1,200 check as the first form of stimulus. Now, Congress is talking it over and they believe they found something WAY better than a $1,200 check: a pizza party.The information was leaked by Twitter user @drunkenoprah this week:

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We got to speak to a member of Congress on the matter and here’s what he said:

“With several million Americans losing their jobs because of the pandemic, it’s only right that the government steps in and offers up a hot slice of pizza pie for each and every American, limit 1 piece per person.” -some asshole from Congress

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The word is that they are currently arguing over pizza toppings. The two toppings in question are pineapple and anchovies, quite possibly the most polarizing ingredients out there.

Another member of Congress said, “we know what’s best for the American people, and everyone loves pineapple and anchovies on their pizza. It’s a scientific fact.”

For the non pizza lovers, Congress is offering up a handful of goldfish. They believe this is a fair compromise.

They believe they will be able to come to a final decision by March of 2022. Stay tuned to find out how you can get your slice. 🍕

*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.


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