Entrepreneur launches new product: straws made from turtles

A biologist-turned-entrepreneur Jackson Fitzpatrick has turned the straw industry on its head with his new invention: straws made from turtles.

Fitzpatrick said he thought of the idea after struggling to drink a Frappuccino with a paper straw from Starbucks.

“The straw fell apart after two sips and was completely useless. It was a horrible experience. I thought to myself ‘if we could just get rid of the turtles, we wouldn’t have to worry about saving them and we could eventually enjoy using plastic straws until the end of times. Why not make straws out of turtles?’ Genius!”

Fitzpatrick has been known for his quirky ideas for years. He initially gained attention for his idea of a Medium-Rare Chicken Restaurant. It went out of business after two weeks of being open after a salmonella outbreak hospitalized tens of people in the Los Angeles area.

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His business model is simple: $5.99 for a dozen turtle straws and for an extra $5, the company will send you a sticker that reads “I killed a turtle and all I got was this straw”.

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Disclaimer: this is a joke.

*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.

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