Karens Everywhere Are Mourning The Fact That Their ‘Gather’ Kitchen Signs No Longer Apply

All throughout the country, middle-aged women named Karen are sliding into deep depression over the fact that their cursive “Gather” signs no longer make sense due to the Coronavirus. A spokesperson for the CDC released the following statement earlier this week:

“Due to the need for social distancing and self-isolation, it is no longer safe to put signs up in your home urging people to gather around the dining room table. I sincerely hope everyone takes this seriously and takes down these signs. While you’re at it, take down your ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ signs as well. I don’t care for those either.”

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“The Coronavirus has already taken enough from me. I can no longer sit down at my local Applebee’s, be rude to the waitress for the entirety of the dinner, and barely leave a tip. This just isn’t fair. They can’t do this to me.” – Anonymous Karen

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There have also been reports of numerous women named Karen calling into the CDC hotline demanding to speak to a manager. This is a rough time for everyone, but Karen’s have obviously taken the brunt of it.

Let’s gather around and have a moment of silence for all Karen’s.

That was nice of us.

*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.

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