Thanksgiving: Millions Of Americans Giving Thanks For Annual Retail Purge.

๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ America: Fuโ€ขk Yeah! ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ

World: So.. let me get this straight: Black Friday is essentially the one day of the year that it’s deemed socially acceptable to fight strangers for useless shit you don’t need, exactly right after giving thanks for what you already do have?

America: Yup!

World:

How much savings are we talking?

According to an article recently published by Fortune magazine:

Salesforce is predicting global digital revenue of $36.9 billion on the day after Thanksgiving. All totaled, the company expects total sales to reach $136 billion this holiday season. Thatโ€™s a 13% increase over last year. Salesforce based its estimate on shopping data of 500 million shoppers and 10,000 of its own retail customers. Itโ€™s not the only prognosticator predicting a better year than last year, though.

Now, we could dwell into the details of what these numbers actually mean but frankly, that’s not our area of expertise and therefore have only one message for all Americans that choose to participate in their annual Black Friday extravaganza:

Be safe. Have fun. Be decent and civilized.. make sure you turn the cameras horizontally to get a better image of all the fights that the rest of the world looks forward to.

Happy Thanksgiving, America. ๐Ÿฅง

*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our โ€œAboutโ€ page for more information.

SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL!

Enter your email address to subscribe to WNN and receive notifications of new satirical articles by email.

Comments are closed.

Up ↑