Imagine, you’re home and in your pajamas. You just spent the entire day binge watching The Office, like you always do, making zero effort to look like a productive member of society and then needing like just one or two things from the grocery store. Its 6pm and you decide to take a chance and go.
An independent study from Real Believable Studies confirmed that roughly 90% of the time you go out looking like shit you will always see someone you know.
We were able to speak with a participant from the study:
“I should have paid attention to my news feed.” Said Jenna Martin, a commuting sophomore at Kentucky State University. “Every f**kin body was at that Kroger Marketplace Starbucks and here I was walking in looking like Post Malone’s nut sack.”
Humiliated, Jenna says she took the long way through the produce department and past the sushi counter in order to avoid the high school reunion of pumpkin spice lattes.
“Every god damn time I go out looking like shit I end up seeing people. Everytime.”
Think about this next time you plan on going out looking like a trash bag.
*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.