69% of high schoolers say they feel soothed when lunch ladies call them ‘suga’ or ‘baby’. Nice.

Imagine you’re next in line for lunch after having been called gay for wearing your favorite fedora.

You look up and see Monique, your school’s lunch lady. She greets you with a big smile and says, “You okay, baby? I put a few extra nuggets on ya tray there for ya, suga.” Her voice is like audible chocolate and every ounce of stress leaves your body.

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Today is going to be a good day. You also decide to leave your hat off too but not because they called you gay you just don’t care to wear it now – you’re allowed to change up your style. You decided that. Not the atmosphere of toxic masculinity that fogs up the hallway or the locker room.

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We surveyed 420 students at Ellis High School and found that nearly 3 quarters of those students enjoyed the cafeteria staff that fed them daily during their lunch breaks.

“One of our lunch ladies also works at the Waffle House up the road. I always see her smoking outside. A little rule I live by, ‘If your server isn’t outside smoking before they make your food, it’s not going to be as good.’ Its never led me astray.”

Chad Brohman – Ellis High Senior

We couldn’t agree more with Chad. We wanted to let the cafeteria women know how the students felt.

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Monique Williams has been at Ellis for 10 years and was extremely vocal about her relationship with them.

“They really are good kids, most of’em. This one time I heard a student called ‘gay’ for wearing a fedora in my lunch line by a group of athletes. I wasn’t mad at em though – low key, that hat WAS gay as hell. I ended up givin him a few extra nuggets ‘cuz I felt bad for him. I’m always nice to the quiet white boys anymore ‘cuz ya never know when they finna snap.”

Monique Williams – Ellis Cafeteria Worker

It’s fair to say that lunch is everyone’s favorite time of the day and wearing a fedora unironically is basically begging everyone to question your sexuality.

*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.

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