A dyslexic man named Marc Arlington thought he would be joined by the force of 3.2 million people when he stormed Area 15 yesterday. He was disappointed when he arrived at a relatively empty government building in the desert and was quickly detained by a lone security guard.
The Department Of Defense released a statement regarding the matter:
“It’s actually pretty sad. Not only did this guy have the wrong place, but he was off by two months… We won’t be pressing charges because we honestly feel bad for him. A long sentence would be the worst punishment possible for this man.”
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When asked whether or not he would go back to the real Area 51 raid on September 20th, Marc said he would try his best to make it. He said dealing with dyslexia and trying to stay connected on social media is a tough task. “My dyslexia has reached a new owl.” he wrote on Facebook after the failed Area 15 storming.
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As Marc has been set free by the guards at Area 15, he has two whole months to prep for the real Area 51 raid. Let’s all hope he can get his together shit.
*Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.
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