Last week, tragedy struck the small town of Roanoke, Oregon. LIT, a popular new club in the area, was hosting the town’s first silent disco. It was 10:30 on a Friday night when a small electrical fire turned into a serious wildfire that ravaged the club. The flames raged on through the night with the music in everyone’s headphones.
If you don’t know what a “silent disco” is, you’re doing something right. It’s when people get together and listen to music on wireless headphones rather than the traditional loud speakers that most clubs use.
“Fortunately, everyone survived. However, there were several injuries. All of which could have been prevented if they could just hear the fucking fire alarms…” – Roanoke Fire Chief
Silent discos are becoming more and more popular as millennials continue to find ways to ruin things. First, they ruin Applebee’s, then they kill the doorbell industry by texting ‘here’, and now they brought disco back from the dead just to kill it again by making everyone wear headphones.
“I was pretty messed up on xans and molly, so I probably wouldn’t have heard the fire alarms anyway. My life is a fuckin’ movie bro.” – anonymous millennial injured in the fire
So there you have it. Next time you’re thinking about going to a silent disco, don’t. You might not make it out alive. Just go to a normal club and hate every single minute of it like the rest of us.
Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.