Creationist Claims That God Made T-Rex Arms Short So They Couldn’t Masturbate

A creationist by the name of Bobby Johnstone out of Florida claims the only proof we need that God created Earth and all the animals is the fact that T-Rex arms are so short which inhibit the ability to masturbate.

“Obviously, masturbation is a sin. That’s why God made the biggest, baddest dinosaur in all the land not be able to touch himself. The proof is in the pudding.”

Read More: Dogs Lick Us Because We Have Bones Inside And They Want Them, Scientists Say

Dr. Johnstone performed several experiments with a life-sized T-Rex to see if the arms could reach the nether regions. Out of all the different combinations of positions, not a single one allowed the dino to relieve himself.

Read More: Ducks Don’t Actually Float – Their Legs Are So Long That They Can Walk On The River Bed

He also watched all of the Jurassic Park and Jurassic World movies and assured us that there isn’t a single T-Rex masturbation scene. Not one. This was by far the most compelling evidence Dr. Johnstone presented.

Read More: Man dies while attempting to commit suicide.

Woken News is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.

SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL!

Enter your email address to subscribe to WNN and receive notifications of new satirical articles by email.

2 thoughts on “Creationist Claims That God Made T-Rex Arms Short So They Couldn’t Masturbate

Add yours

Leave a Reply

Up ↑