Talking to White Women Before They’ve Had Their Morning Coffee Was the Leading Cause of Homicide Last Year

The statistics have come out: one of the most dangerous things you can do is talk to a white woman before she’s had her morning cup o’ joe. It’s even more dangerous than driving without a seatbelt or swimming with sharks.

According to a very real study done by some very real people, it was found that white women who haven’t had their morning coffee were the leading cause of homicide in America last year. It has become a running joke amongst white women that I’m sure you’ve seen all over your Instagram feed. Things like “Don’t even talk to me before I’ve had my coffee” or “How do you feel when there is no coffee? Depresso.” are plastered all over my feed.

But these coffee memes have gotten way darker over the past few months and I’m genuinely concerned. Check out these for example:

Did they kill their kid over some coffee? Jesus…

Just be careful out there and make sure the white women in your life have plenty of coffee. And remember, don’t even talk to them before they’ve had their first cup. It’s just not worth it, man. It’s just not worth it…

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