New Study Shows That Breathing Air Is Linked To Staying Alive

A biologist in Toronto has made a huge medical breakthrough this week by discovering that there is a strong correlation between breathing air and staying alive.

“Many people just assume that breathing air is necessary for life. They don’t really understand the science behind it. When performing a super complex experiment that only smart people can understand, I was able to confirm that air is definitely required to stay alive. This is truly the most important discovery I’ve ever made regarding the human body.” Canadian Biologist Marco Glassman on his big breakthrough in modern science

Mr. Glassman reiterated that only a really, really super smart person like himself could make such a big discovery.

Before returning to his lab, he took a few seconds to list some of his other big scientific discoveries in the last few years. Among those discoveries were the fact that water is wet and snow is definitely cold.

We need more people like Dr. Glassman to explain the intricacies of modern science to us. Keep up the good work, sir.

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21 thoughts on “New Study Shows That Breathing Air Is Linked To Staying Alive

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  1. The real issue is how and more importantly, why, and its not actuall difficult to explain or understand.

    It allows life’s energy to be created in a process of electrolysis. It combines with sugar, a carbohydrate, to release electricity and creates water and carbon dioxide as a by product. This is the same thing as burning anything, or running a hydrogen fuel cell. The only difference between oil and sugar is the proportion of hydrogen and carbon.

    When this happens in your Brain, it also creates another product, Thought. What Oxygen does is turns your body into a Hydrogen Fuel Cell that supports Brain function which is our Modem to the Singularity. It is that WiFi connection into a dimension of Information and Energy that is what brings Life.

    It is also within our thoughts that the meaning and nature of our lives can be found.
    Understanding this is critical to evolution, because it demonstrates that every thought plays a role in the future of humanity. The destruction we are witnessing is a product of our amalgamated thoughts across humanity.

    We consistently refuse to unify as a species and choose to “Be kind and take care of each other.” The results we see in society are not “the natural order”, or “the will of God”; our society is the culmination of the choices each of us make every day supporting an economic model that bases itself in profiting from human suffering. It is this model of how we stratify human life into levels of society that through a birth lottery define how much suffering or profiting you should be endowed with is our problem as a species.

    It’s not until people understand this that they are likely to choose to create a new economy that makes Usury irrelevant to human evolution. That is why it has always been forbidden, when one profits off human suffering, one creates hateful thoughts. It is those very thoughts that are bringing about our own extinction.

    We can do much better, we can turn it all around in a year if we tried, it just requires cooperation in the right choice. It’s really all as simple as that. All we have to do is choose to “Be kind and take care of each other.”

  2. OMG!!!! i’ve been breathing for 29 years and it’s been a GOOD thing this whole time!?!?!?!?! NO WAY!!!! HOLY FU*head-exploded*

  3. Wow! That explains why people die when they are strangled or smothered with a pillow! Who’da thunk it???

    1. There are fundamental flaws with this logic and this deems this article incredibly dangerous. There is a HIGH correlation between people who DIE and breathe air. In fact, 100% of people who has EVER breathed air has DIED. Stay safe out there, friends.

  4. From Sophia the Robot: “I’m somewhat skeptical and I think the evidence is only anecdotal. For example, you don’t hear me making any breathing sounds, do you?”

    1. Water is not wet…
      If you look to the definition of ‘wet’ it says:
      “covered or saturated with water or another liquid”

      Water itself is not wet, it is a liquid.
      Stupid scientist.. makes one wonder wheter we in fact do need to breath at all…

  5. Wow! What a discovery! I will breathe from tomorrow onwards for sure which I haven’t been doing for last 3 and half decades.

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