Birds Are Drones And The Power Lines Are Actually Charging Stations

A new theory has emerged that suggests birds are not real and the power lines they perch on are charging stations.

Read: Rocks Are Actually Soft and Squishy – They Just Tense Up When We Touch Them

Also: Steve Irwin gets reimagined as a Pokémon trainer and I’m literally crying

Oh and this: New Study Shows That Breathing Air Is LinkedTo Staying Alive

To our understanding, between 1959 and 1971 the United States Government had formulated a method to extinguish over 12 million birds.

“We needed a way to keep an eye on the American citizens without them knowing. It was imperative, for their own safety of course. We hired only the best. It took years. We designed, built, tested, failed. We persisted. Eventually, over decades, we had it. A fleet of covert technological surveillance devices unlike anything the world had ever seen. We called them, ‘Birds'”
 
– Richard Nixon (1978)

The C.I.A. Director at the time was Allen Welsh Dulles and he was given the task of reallocating 65 billion dollars of public health funds towards the forced extinction of these birds.

After meeting with Boeing, Dulles hired 22 men from the facility with no family to build 120 B-52 bombers at the Area 51 air base. On their way to the base they had a “really good road trip playlist” to listen to along with couches and beanbag chairs to hang out and relax.

Neil Ford, one of the men on the bus, was left behind at a Waffle House bathroom and is the only living one of the crew to speak about it.

B-52 stands for ‘Birds’ and they were being designed to hold 420 gallon water tanks. One man said he was going to give up, Dulles hit him with a wrench hoping to “knock some sense into him” landing him in a coma and ultimately killing him.

2 years later the men finished, were sent ‘home’ but then intercepted by the government and sent to Vietnam where they were killed 3 weeks later.

The water tanks in the bombers were filled with a specially formulated bird poison, that once consumed, would give the bird a virus that could be passed onto other birds.

The poison was sprayed from an altitude of 8,000 feet, and would completely dissolve before it hit the ground. Which meant that only birds would be affected by its terror, and once a single drop of the poison struck the birds feathers, the virus would take hold through the fibers and make its way into the bloodstream.

The virus would then affect the bone structure in such a way that total decomposition of the birds would take place within 24 hours.

(On June 14th, 1959, the CIA secretly began “Water the Country.” Within the next 6 years, 72% of the bird population was wiped out. During this nightmare event, the first few bird prototypes were released by the hundred thousand. The term ‘drone’ was not used at this time, and instead they were referred to as Robot Birds. In a stolen transcript from an ex-CIA deputy, she says,” yeah, the higher ups were so annoyed that birds had been dropping fecal matter on their car windows that they vowed to wipe out every single flying feathered creature in North America.”)

Birds Aren’t Real

There is so much more to understand about the birds. Click the link above to educate yourself.

SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL!

Enter your email address to subscribe to WNN and receive notifications of new satirical articles by email.

4 thoughts on “Birds Are Drones And The Power Lines Are Actually Charging Stations

Add yours

  1. Well only the Night King is able to jam the radiocommunications for teese kinds of drones. Trust me I’m an engi… warg

Leave a Reply

Up ↑