Trump calls in long time friend to help manage California wildfires

The Camp Fire — the deadliest, most destructive blaze in California history, which has killed 85 people, destroyed 14,000 residences and charred an area the size of Chicago — has been fully contained, authorities announced Sunday thanks to the help of Blastoise.

The fire began on Nov. 8 in the parched Sierra Nevada foothills and quickly spread across 240 square miles, destroying most of Paradise in a day.

Nearly 19,000 buildings, most of them homes, are gone.

President Trump made the announcement that ‘some very big help’ was on the way to provide aid along side the efforts of local and state fire departments.

“I’ve known Blastoise for years..over 20 years now. I chose little Squirtle as my first Pokémon in Professor Oak’s house, right there in Pallet Town.” Trump reminisced. “Then came Gary, such a weasel. He chose Bulbasaur knowing full well it was my weakness. Such a dick move. Horrible neighbor.”

Blastoise arrived early last week and worked with much effort to make sure water was being distributed efficiently to contain the flames.

All that time and energy must have made for some exhausting nights for Blastoise.

“Oh yeah, so tiring, said Trump. I had plenty of Max Ether, potions and handfuls of Burn Heal just in case. Very successful containment. The fire is 100% contained.”

We were able to speak with the Fire Chief that afternoon who worked along side Blastoise during most of his time there and he had this to say:

“Hero. He is an absolute hero. I was a bit star struck at first. I didn’t wanna come off as a fanboi so I tried to stay professional, occasionally adding a little element humor. He seemed to enjoy that. Ironically, I chose Charmander, the chief laughed, as my first Pokémon so.. but I didn’t bring that up, you know. It didn’t feel appropriate. So thankful the President was able to get him out here.”

Trump has a 24 carrot, diamond encrusted Master Ball he was gifted by Mr. Fuji during one of his stays at Trump Tower back in the late 90s. Blastoise can relax in his own penthouse suit where he also has access to his own personal training facility and anytime day spa.

 

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