Last Tuesday, 26 year old Flynn Redfern reportedly overdosed on what doctors have classified as a “lethal mixture of booty pics and inspirational captions on Instagram”.
Mr. Redfern currently resides in Bakersfield, California where he works as an Accountant for a small, family-owned company. He said he spends a lot of his downtime at work browsing Instagram. He didn’t expect to be rushed to the hospital due to this mindless browsing last week.
“I was just casually scrolling through the explore feed and something suddenly overtook my body. Booty pics usually don’t phase me, but the captions, man. The captions… they were so inspirational.”
Esteemed doctor Leslie O’Gallagher said this is becoming way more common, claiming he sees several patients a week with the same diagnosis as Mr. Redfern.
“Back in 2014, we never saw overdoses of this nature. Those were the days when girls just posted a classic booty pic with the normal ‘Suns out buns out’ caption accompanied by a peach emoji. But now, a booty pic is almost always accompanied by an insightful quote by Aristotle or Descartes. We’ve found that this combination is so woke that it is literally putting people in the hospital. It’s dangerous, man.”
Overdoses like these have increased by 87% in the last year according to the CDC. It needs to stop. Stay informed and spread the word by using the very easy-to-remember hashtag #DontLetYourFriendsLookAtTooManyInspirationalBootyPicsOnInstagram