As the popularity of cycling continues to rise, so too does the number of ways in which cyclists are managing to piss off other members of society. Gone are the days when drivers were the only ones feeling the wrath of spandex-clad two-wheeled warriors – now, it seems that even the blue-collar railroad worker is... Continue Reading →
Viagra shipment stolen – Cops looking for gang of hardened criminals
Last night, a criminal case suddenly popped up and took a small town by storm. A viagra shipment was stolen from a factory by a gang of hardened criminals. As many people know, the first 48 hours are very important in most criminal cases. However, in this case, the cops have been told that if... Continue Reading →
DC Planning to Release New Movie ‘White Jamal’ to Recoup Losses From ‘Black Adam’ Flop
It’s recently come out that the recent blockbuster ‘Black Adam’ starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was a box office bomb. It has only made $387 million globally after the first 7 weeks in theaters. It needed to make $600 million to break even and experts claim it will most likely stall out around $400 million... Continue Reading →
Zac Efron to Play Lord Farquaad in Shrek Live-Action Remake
There has recently been a lot of speculation surrounding Zac Efron and his ever-changing appearance. It now seems we have an answer as to why he ruined his perfect face - it’s for the role of a lifetime. Zac Efron will be displaying his acting chops as Lord Farquaad in the new live-action remake of... Continue Reading →
Millennials are killing the Doorbell Industry by texting ‘here’
In a shocking new study published in the Journal of Actual Real Science this week, it seems the doorbell industry is facing total collapse at the hands of the worst generation in history. Woken Contributor: Maddy D. Read More: Beethoven Was Not Deaf, He Had In Airpods™ And Everyone Around Him Was Broke, New Theory Suggest... Continue Reading →
Rocks Are Actually Soft and Squishy – They Just Tense Up When We Touch Them
Have rocks been lying to us all this time? A geologist in North Dakota claims that rocks are actually incredibly soft and squishy and tense up only when humans touch them. Geologist Gina Worthing has been studying rocks for years. When researching the hardness of rocks, she noticed something very peculiar. Read More: Millenials are... Continue Reading →
Birds Are Drones And The Power Lines Are Actually Charging Stations
A new theory has emerged that suggests birds are not real and the power lines they perch on are charging stations. Read: Rocks Are Actually Soft and Squishy – They Just Tense Up When We Touch Them Also: Steve Irwin gets reimagined as a Pokémon trainer and I’m literally crying Oh and this: New Study... Continue Reading →
Dogs Lick Us Because We Have Bones Inside And They Want Them, Scientists Say
Doggo's love their bones! But could we be confusing the lickos and tongue blips we know and love as their kisses for our bones potential at a heckin' good taste? Cynologist Karen Wilburn is an expert doge psychologist who seems to believe that our best friends have a more sinister agenda when they bath us... Continue Reading →
BMW Driver Tailgates First Ever Space Vehicle
In a bold move that's being hailed as the ultimate display of luxury and power, a BMW driver has tailgated the driver of the first-ever space vehicle. Sources report that the BMW, a sleek black sedan, was seen hurtling through the vacuum of space at breakneck speed, its driver seemingly determined to get as close... Continue Reading →
Recent Discovery Suggests Renaming the Bronze Age to “LeBronze Age”
In a shocking turn of events, historians have announced that the time period of the Bronze Age should be renamed the "LeBronze Age" due to the recent discovery of oil paintings depicting the famous basketball player. LeBron circa 1493 According to the historians, the paintings were discovered in a cave in a remote region of... Continue Reading →
“Chestnuts Roasting” Guy to Replace George Washington on Mt Rushmore
In a shocking turn of events, the newest face to grace the iconic Mt Rushmore is none other than internet sensation "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire” guy. “Chestnuts roasting” guy, also known as AnucAtittawan on Smule, recently went viral with an incredible rendition of the Nat King Cole classic “A Christmas Song”. Check it... Continue Reading →
New theory suggests that dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel
In a shocking revelation, a new theory has emerged that suggests that the dinosaurs were not a real species that roamed the earth millions of years ago, but were actually created by the CIA to scare people and prevent them from attempting to travel back in time. According to the theory, the CIA, in an... Continue Reading →
Stand-up comedian sits down – crowd goes wild
It was a night to remember at the local comedy club, as stand-up comedian Johnny Trenboloni took the stage and shocked the audience with a daring new routine. After opening with a few jokes to warm up the crowd, Johnny did something that no one had ever seen before. He sat down. At first, the... Continue Reading →
Joe Rogan Unveils New Podcast Format: 3 Hours of Silent Meditation Followed by 2 Hours of Uncontrolled Screaming
Joe Rogan, the controversial and wildly popular podcaster, has announced a major change to his show. In an effort to "reach new levels of consciousness and clarity," Rogan will now spend the first three hours of each episode in complete silence, meditating on various philosophical and spiritual topics. But don't worry - the second half... Continue Reading →