In a shocking new study published in the Journal of Actual Real Science this week, it seems the doorbell industry is facing total collapse at the hands of the worst generation in history.
Continue reading “Millenials are killing the Doorbell Industry by texting ‘here’”
Florida has a new sheriff in town and he’s pissed off at his mom. Hide your drywall, hide your Monsters because Kyle is causing property damage all across Florida state.
Continue reading “Florida teen, Kyle, arrested for stealing Monster Energy drinks and punching holes in drywall at a Home Depot”“Top 60 Satire Websites and Blogs on the Web” – Ranking by Feedpost.com
Have rocks been lying to us all this time? A geologist in North Dakota claims that rocks are actually incredibly soft and squishy and tense up only when humans touch them.
Continue reading “Rocks Are Actually Soft and Squishy – They Just Tense Up When We Touch Them”
A new theory has emerged that suggests birds are not real and the power lines they perch on are charging stations.
Continue reading “Birds Are Drones And The Power Lines Are Actually Charging Stations”
Doggo’s love their bones! But could we be confusing the lickos and tongue blips we know and love as their kisses for our bones potential at a heckin’ good taste?
Continue reading “Dogs Lick Us Because We Have Bones Inside And They Want Them, Scientists Say”
In response to tuesday’s election day results, or lack there of, many leftist extremists flew in from their own cities to help quell the division and hatred in downtown Washington, D.C.
Continue reading “Antifa lights up several blocks of small business to send a mostly peaceful message”
For the last several months, governors and other states officials have been trying to find the best ways to flatten the curve of COVID-19 cases. Finally, they believe they found the solution: Continue reading “Governors are considering requiring special suits to be worn to combat COVID-19”
A biologist-turned-entrepreneur Jackson Fitzpatrick has turned the straw industry on its head with his new invention: straws made from turtles. Continue reading “Entrepreneur launches new product: straws made from turtles”
As the state wildfires rage on this local deer tells Woken News, “I’m just cut from a different cloth.”
Continue reading “Built Different: Deer simply refuses to die in wildfire”
It’s 2020 and being politically correct is more important for businesses than it ever has been. That’s why popular US food chain “Cracker Barrel” is considering changing it’s name to a more appropriate “Caucasian Barrel”. Continue reading “Cracker Barrel considering changing name to “Caucasian Barrel” to be more politically correct”
A man from Nevada is suing the state after a run-in with local police last week. He was pulled over for driving by himself in the carpool lane. Continue reading “Man with multiple personality disorder sues state for not being allowed to use carpool lane”
The Internet has been trying to dissect Elon Musk’s newborn son’s name all week. Well, the answer may have finally arrived: it’s Kyle. His son’s name is Kyle. Continue reading “Elon Musk’s newborn son ‘X Æ A-12’ is actually pronounced ‘Kyle’, per sources”
In an unexpected turn of events, North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un reportedly turned himself into a pickle and it’s the funniest shit we’ve ever seen.
Continue reading “Kim Jong-un turned himself into a pickle. Koreans absolutely losing it.”
Hundreds of so called “financial gurus” are always taking to the Internet to claim they have a foolproof “get-rich-quick” scheme that will generate wealth and financial freedom. Most of them are lying. But one financial advisor may just have the actual key to unlimited money. Continue reading “If you have two credit cards and use them to pay each other off, you have infinite money, claims financial advisor”
It’s comes as no surprise that Keanu would be testing positive for being just an absolute perfect human being.
Continue reading “Keanu Reeves has tested positive for being the most breathtaking person alive”
All throughout the country, middle-aged women named Karen are sliding into deep depression over the fact that their cursive “Gather” signs no longer make sense due to the Coronavirus. Continue reading “Karens Everywhere Are Mourning The Fact That Their ‘Gather’ Kitchen Signs No Longer Apply”
How does it feel to be wiping your ass with corruption?
Continue reading “Coronavirus Was Invented By Toilet Paper Companies To Get You To Buy More.”
Their two fans are reported, ecstatic.
Continue reading “Breaking News: Coronavirus has not claimed Nickelback.”
People are sleeping on the chance to get out of routine traffic stops and check points by just telling the officer that they have the Caronavirus disease (COVID-19).
Continue reading “Pro Tip: Just say you have Coronavirus to avoid traffic violations, ya ding dong”
Just another wholesome story about a Chick-fil-a employee going above and beyond to secure a top spot in heaven. Continue reading “Chick-fil-a Employee Who Worked 69 Hours In a Week Worked an Extra Hour for Free to Please the Lord”
As is tradition, France formally announces they are surrendering to the Coronavirus.
Continue reading “France Surrenders to Coronavirus”
A few months ago, Baby Yoda took the meme world by storm. But now, there’s a new baby in town. And everyone hates him. I present: The Ice Age Baby. Continue reading “The Ice Age Baby Needs to be Stopped”
Trojan announced last weekend that they have released a line of pre-owned condoms in packs of three to save customers money.
Continue reading “Trojan releases pre-owned value pack condoms to save you money for the sex”
The Coronavirus outbreak has taken a turn for the worse in the last week as the World Health Organization declared the virus a “Global Health Emergency”. However, Millennials all over the world are looking at it as a great opportunity. Continue reading “Millennials are planning trips to China in an attempt to contract the Coronavirus”
Be expecting a last minute phone call from your local legends at work Monday morning because they plan to go hard af this weekend catching that Chinese Cough.
Continue reading “Local Surfer Expected To Catch That Coronavirus This Weekend”