In a shocking new study published in the Journal of Actual Real Science this week, it seems the doorbell industry is facing total collapse at the hands of the worst generation in history.
Continue reading “Millenials are killing the Doorbell Industry by texting ‘here’”
Florida has a new sheriff in town and he’s pissed off at his mom. Hide your drywall, hide your Monsters because Kyle is causing property damage all across Florida state.
Continue reading “Florida teen, Kyle, arrested for stealing Monster Energy drinks and punching holes in drywall at a Home Depot”“Top 60 Satire Websites and Blogs on the Web” – Ranking by Feedpost.com
Have rocks been lying to us all this time? A geologist in North Dakota claims that rocks are actually incredibly soft and squishy and tense up only when humans touch them.
Continue reading “Rocks Are Actually Soft and Squishy – They Just Tense Up When We Touch Them”
A new theory has emerged that suggests birds are not real and the power lines they perch on are charging stations.
Continue reading “Birds Are Drones And The Power Lines Are Actually Charging Stations”
Doggo’s love their bones! But could we be confusing the lickos and tongue blips we know and love as their kisses for our bones potential at a heckin’ good taste?
Continue reading “Dogs Lick Us Because We Have Bones Inside And They Want Them, Scientists Say”
Just a quick heads up, vegans. You are being replaced by owners of Air Fryers. Continue reading “Woman wins award for not telling literally every person she knows that she owns an Air Fryer”
How dirty is money? Very dirty. Each dollar has on average 6.9 billion germs on it according to the Science Institute of Science. Virus and Disease experts are now claiming that laundering your money may help in stopping the spread of COVID-19. Continue reading “‘Laundering your money’ is now recommended due to COVID-19”
How many cans of Twisted Tea does it take to end racism? Just one.
Continue reading “Star Wars is releasing a digitally remastered version of The Phantom Menace with Twisted Tea light sabers”
Last April, most Americans received a whopping $1,200 check as the first form of stimulus. Now, Congress is talking it over and they believe they found something WAY better than a $1,200 check: a pizza party. Continue reading “Congress has announced that the next round of stimulus will be a pizza party”
While many states issue mandatory lock downs, destroying small businesses by banning all indoor dining and with only a week away from Christmas, Dr. Fauci delivers more bad news stopping Santa from enjoying his favorite Christmas Eve snack.
Continue reading “Dr. Fauci says leaving cookies out for Santa is prohibited because it’s ‘indoor dining’”
Well, it finally happened. The Zodiac Killer sent a puzzle-like code to a newspaper back in 1969 (nice) and some nerds finally cracked the code. Here’s what the absolute nonsense puzzle looked like: Continue reading “The Zodiac Killer’s ‘340 Cipher’ code was actually just a ‘your mom’ joke”
Contrary to popular belief, the covid vaccine will have the new U2 album inserted into your body instead of an all knowing location tracking microchip.
Continue reading “Confirmed: The Covid vaccine will NOT contain a microchip but will contain U2’s new album”
In response to tuesday’s election day results, or lack there of, many leftist extremists flew in from their own cities to help quell the division and hatred in downtown Washington, D.C.
Continue reading “Antifa lights up several blocks of small business to send a mostly peaceful message”
For the last several months, governors and other states officials have been trying to find the best ways to flatten the curve of COVID-19 cases. Finally, they believe they found the solution: Continue reading “Governors are considering requiring special suits to be worn to combat COVID-19”
A biologist-turned-entrepreneur Jackson Fitzpatrick has turned the straw industry on its head with his new invention: straws made from turtles. Continue reading “Entrepreneur launches new product: straws made from turtles”
As the state wildfires rage on this local deer tells Woken News, “I’m just cut from a different cloth.”
Continue reading “Built Different: Deer simply refuses to die in wildfire”
It’s 2020 and being politically correct is more important for businesses than it ever has been. That’s why popular US food chain “Cracker Barrel” is considering changing it’s name to a more appropriate “Caucasian Barrel”. Continue reading “Cracker Barrel considering changing name to “Caucasian Barrel” to be more politically correct”
A man from Nevada is suing the state after a run-in with local police last week. He was pulled over for driving by himself in the carpool lane. Continue reading “Man with multiple personality disorder sues state for not being allowed to use carpool lane”
The Internet has been trying to dissect Elon Musk’s newborn son’s name all week. Well, the answer may have finally arrived: it’s Kyle. His son’s name is Kyle. Continue reading “Elon Musk’s newborn son ‘X Æ A-12’ is actually pronounced ‘Kyle’, per sources”
In an unexpected turn of events, North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un reportedly turned himself into a pickle and it’s the funniest shit we’ve ever seen.
Continue reading “Kim Jong-un turned himself into a pickle. Koreans absolutely losing it.”
Hundreds of so called “financial gurus” are always taking to the Internet to claim they have a foolproof “get-rich-quick” scheme that will generate wealth and financial freedom. Most of them are lying. But one financial advisor may just have the actual key to unlimited money. Continue reading “If you have two credit cards and use them to pay each other off, you have infinite money, claims financial advisor”
It’s comes as no surprise that Keanu would be testing positive for being just an absolute perfect human being.
Continue reading “Keanu Reeves has tested positive for being the most breathtaking person alive”
All throughout the country, middle-aged women named Karen are sliding into deep depression over the fact that their cursive “Gather” signs no longer make sense due to the Coronavirus. Continue reading “Karens Everywhere Are Mourning The Fact That Their ‘Gather’ Kitchen Signs No Longer Apply”
How does it feel to be wiping your ass with corruption?
Continue reading “Coronavirus Was Invented By Toilet Paper Companies To Get You To Buy More.”
Their two fans are reported, ecstatic.
Continue reading “Breaking News: Coronavirus has not claimed Nickelback.”